Monday was hardly a day I expected to get on the treadmill and run a 5k for the first time–but it happened. …And I’m pretty stoked about my 32:10 time!
After much hesitation and as I work through certain fears after Kirk died, I got into running a few months ago and decided to motivate myself further by committing to a 5K, which I’m running this coming Sunday. But I hit a setback this past weekend with Saturday being 6 months since Kirk died.
It was just a really bad weekend. While in many ways I have felt emotionally numb, in others–primarily physically–I feel my loss very profoundly. My body reminded me with aches in my chest–anxiety. I was tired, not motivated, ate garbage. The weather was pretty miserable and I got no workouts in other than some lunges for my lunge challenge–but I fell behind even with those. And to top it off, I was on the receiving end of some negativity over signing up for the 5K.
The trip down with the boys was just exhausting at around 3.5 hours, about half of which was traffic. They behaved really well at the cemetery and church but were putting up a good fight at bedtime and not sleeping well–a not-so-gentle reminder that Kirk wasn’t going to be helping me with that ever again. And our return trip started with a tantrum about wanting to stay and play with the kitchen sink at my parents’ and ended with an impromptu visit to our local supermarket in which the boys went completely rogue, running any and every which way they pleased, crashing the store’s toddler-sized shopping carts everywhere. Despite the “lady, control your kids” looks from some strangers, I gathered whatever dignity I had left–and my two flailing kids–and wheeled a packed mini-shopping cart out the store with my head held high.
How could I have skipped 3 days of workouts a week before an event–before my first event?!?! Okay, one of those days was supposed to be a rest day, but still! Then I remembered Kirk talking about how life happens even when you’re training for an event. It doesn’t pause for all this stuff. You take care of what matters and needs immediate attention and then pick up as soon as you can and re-assess your training strategy. And if he was here now, that’s what he would’ve told me. So that’s what I did.
I got the boys to bed a little early, cleaned up right away, and then hit our gym. My expectations were low given the weekend I had so I decided I’d do a short workout and just see how I feel. I started on the treadmill aiming for a 1 mile run, which turned into 1.5 miles, then 2 miles, and then with the help of some music, a 5k. It felt great!! After my run, I decided to stick around and get a little more of a workout in. I know 32:10 is slow for runners, but for me it’s a big deal and I’m so proud of myself. I tried thinking back to whether I’ve ever run this distance straight and I’m pretty sure I haven’t. And it all started with just getting myself on the treadmill despite having a bad few days and taking that first step.
I remember thinking weeks ago, “I can’t run a 5k.” I was wrong. I CAN run a 5K. Now I still have to get through the actual 5K this Sunday, but Monday ended well for me. I overcame some setbacks and did something I thought I could not. I hope whatever training you all are doing is going well. 😉